Two terms used throughout the need discussions are defined below:

Need Conflicts: Within a particular dimension some needs conflict with each other because they evoke incompatible behavior if they are expressed synchronically (simultaneously). For example, the aggression and nurturance needs evoke incompatible behavior in all three dimensions. Needs that conflict in a particular dimension are located in opposite areas of that dimension (see Target Model) indicating that they are not normally activated synchronically in that dimension.

Mal Adaptive Need Fusion: Needs that normally produce conflicting behavior when synchronically evoked in a particular dimension are sometimes combined or fused despite resulting conflicts. Mal adaptive fusion creates frustrations and problems. For example, in the combative dimension, when the aggression and succorance needs are synchronically activated, the fused behavioral expression may take the form of whining and complaining that does not effectively express either the aggression need or the succorance need.

The Gratitude Need
(The need to be appreciative, thankful, and grateful)

The gratitude need is not one of the needs in the Murray need system. It has been added to the PIT list of needs because expressions of gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation are common and this behavior is only indirectly accounted for by other Murray system needs. Gratitude is an expression of appreciation, love, and affection in response to being cared for and nurtured by others.

We usually think of gratitude as being expressed directly by one person to another. Many people feel and express gratitude, however, in a less personal way. They feel grateful for good things that have happened to them that were not bestowed on them by any identifiable person or group. The Pilgrims, for example, felt a sense of gratitude for their fall harvest. To formalize these feelings they initiated the now traditional Thanksgiving Day celebration. Although it was a religious celebration for the Pilgrims, the celebration has continued as a secular holiday in the United States. People express appreciation on Thanksgiving day to God or to life or to nature or to whatever forces they feel have brought them good things.

One might expect that the gratitude and nurturance needs would have quite different sets of associations with other needs since gratitude is a response to receiving benefits and nurturance is the act of giving benefits to others. It is interesting to note, however, that these two needs are located fairly close to each other in all three dimensions. This means that they have very similar sets of need associations. Gratitude is, perhaps, a special form of nurturance through which we can always give something in return for what we have been given.

The Function of the Gratitude Need

The function of the gratitude need is to reward (and thereby promote) acts of nurturance, benevolence, and sacrifice. Without the ability to exchange gratitude for nurturance, all transactions become impersonal, competitive, and/or combative. In the absence of gratitude, we have to bargain for whatever we need from others. At best, this takes the form of a business transaction such as borrowing money from a bank or buying or bartering for the goods and services we need. At worst, transactions become a form of combative blackmail with the weak becoming more and more subjugated by the strong.

Problems Related to the Gratitude Need

Unfortunately, expressions of gratitude are sometimes merely formalized rituals. As a matter of etiquette children are taught to say "thank you" in response to certain cues but the words may be meaningless to them. The same can be true of sending flowers, bestowing honors and awards, and other formalized expressions of gratitude. When this is the case, gratitude becomes compulsive. Compulsive expressions of gratitude can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy for "having" to express gratitude along with guilt and anxiety over the possibility of failing to properly express gratitude.

Some problems connected with the gratitude need arise from beliefs that gifts are never unconditional acts of love but are strategies on the part of others to make a person feel obligated and indebted. A person who develops this over-generalized belief is naturally suspicious of any act of altruism and benevolence. From such a point-of-view, there is no reason for being grateful for something one will pay for in other ways.

Some people have been so indulged and have had so few opportunities to take care of themselves or anyone else that they treat all gifts and benefits as routine payments to which they are entitled. Spoiled people find it hard to be grateful.

Another type of problem related to the gratitude need has to do with faking appreciation, not to appease others as is the case with compulsive gratitude, but to disarm and manipulate people. A person who wishes to exploit potential benefactors may pretend to be very appreciative to stimulate generosity. This type of phoniness is destructive to personal relationships and creates hostility and rejection when others recognize the hypocrisy.

It is possible for a person to be overly grateful and attribute all good things to the beneficence of others when they may merely be enjoying the fruits of their own efforts. Such people, though perhaps naive and overly idealistic, are not as apt to develop interpersonal problems as habitually ungrateful persons.

The ego needs (autonomy, aggression, defendance, rejection, dominance, and sex) are often in conflict with feelings of gratitude. We need to be able to switch from ego assertion to expressions of gratitude according to the nature of the situation we are in.

Most of our expressions of gratitude are directed toward a known benefactor. When the source of good fortune is unknown we may attribute it to God, "life", nature, the world, or to some other non person source and express our gratitude accordingly. Unaccountable misfortunes are generally accepted as a natural part of life. Some unhappy cynics tend to believe that benefits from unidentifiable sources are accidental but that misfortunes are punishment from unknown malevolent forces. Such distrust and lack of gratitude is self-perpetuating because resentment and suspiciousness tend to discourage the nurturing tendencies of others.

Dimension Locations of the Gratitude Need

The gratitude need is normally located in the noncombative area of the combative dimension. Gratitude is thus opposed to combative self-assertion. It is contradictory to express gratitude to someone at the same time we are attacking them.

The gratitude need is normally located in the personal area of the personal dimension. In this location it combines with other personal needs to promote good personal-social interactions. Expressions of gratitude are appreciated by others and help establish personal bonds between people. In its personal area location, gratitude is opposed to the analytic and critical motves of the impersonal area needs.

The gratitude need is normally located in the central area of the competitive dimension. In this location, gratitude can be expressed in moderately competitive situations (such as learning and training sessions) or when only moderate resistance to a competitive challenge is required ("thanks for the invitation but I don't think I want to attempt that at this time"). We are not apt to express gratitude in either a strongly competitive situation or when we wish to strongly reject a competitive challenge.

Gratitude Dislocated in the Combative Area of the Combative Dimension

When the gratitude need is dislocated in the combative area, it conflicts with the combative needs (aggression, rejection, defendance) and may thus inhibit or undermine effective self-assertion. It is hard to oppose someone vigorously when we feel grateful and indebted to them. In this dislocation, gratitude may maladaptively fuse with combative needs to produce sarcastic gratitude or to disguise and conceal hostility.

Gratitude Located Too Near the Periphery of the Noncombative Area of the Combative Dimension

If the gratitude need is located very near to the periphery in the noncombative area relative to other needs, it excessively inhibits combative needs when it is activated. In this location, the person may find they are completely unable to be self-assertive if they feel at all grateful to their opponents. It is also located too distantly from other combative inhibiting needs to combine effectively with them for normal combative inhibition.

Gratitude Dislocated in the Impersonal Area of the Personal-Social Dimension

When the gratitude need is dislocated in the impersonal area, an important part of personal-social motivation is missing. Expressions of appreciation are important and necessary for bonding personal relationships. In the impersonal area, gratitude is apt to conflict with self-assertive needs and make it difficult for the person to present "their side of the argument" when it is necessary to impersonally resolve disagreements with friends and loved ones.

Gratitude Located Too Near the Periphery of the Personal Area of the Personal-Social Dimension

Location of the gratitude need close to the periphery of the personal area relative to other needs, indicates an over emphasis on the expression of gratitude in personal-social relationships. In this location, the gratitude need replaces the play and affiliation needs as the strongest personal area needs. As a result, social interactions may become too serious and lose playfulness and equality.

Gratitude Located Near the Periphery of the Competitive Area of the Competitive Dimension

When the gratitude need is located near the periphery of the competitive area relative to other needs it exerts excessive control over competitive efforts and may thus be a distracting influence in highly competitive endeavors. When people are strongly competitive, they must concentrate on excelling rather than expressing gratitude and appreciation. Gratitude is more appropriate in moderately competitive endeavors (as in training and learning) where striving for recognition and dominance are not as important.

Gratitude Located Near the Periphery of the Noncompetitive Area of the Competitive Dimension

If the gratitude need is located near the periphery of the noncompetitive area relative to other needs, it excessively inhibits competitive striving. Also, normal expressions of appreciation may be missing in more moderate competitive activities such as learning and training situations.